Global warming: we all know its there and what it can potentially do to the planet. The ice caps could melt and flood the continents, proving something that I've always felt very strongly about: Waterworld is a prophetic film and everyone should own at least three copies of it in four different formats, since we don't know exactly what technology will survive the waterocalypse.

Ecosystems will shift and birds will fly around in confusion as migratory patterns become useless. Beavers will build dams on freeways and turtles will grow tired of their shells.

But the big question is "Why?" Why is the Earth doing it to us? Is it because of massive fossil fuel consumption and the subsequent pollution? Is it that the place has just become too crowded? Everyone's been to a party where there are just too many people and the room starts to get hotter and hotter and before you know it you're dancing naked on a table and when Frank asks how much you've had to drink all you can say is "What? It's too hot! I can't hear you!"

Or is it something more subtle, something we did way back in the past that the Earth has bottled up, that has slowly been building and building and the Earth is about to say "I've had enough!"?

I know why. And I will tell you why in three words... then in many more words.

Greenland and Iceland. Don't be fooled, it sounds like five words, "green" and "land" and "and" and "ice" and "land" again. But trickery is the middle name of these countries. Some time back in the past the people of these countries got together and decided it'd be hilarious if they named a land dominated by ice "Greenland" and a land lush with greenery "Iceland."

Don't be fooled! Earth wasn't and you shouldn't be, either!

Now, the Earth sat by while we called these lands what we wanted, despite being a slap in the face to the planet. But it figured we wouldn't be here too long, some disease will get us and then this whole nonsense would be over with. We proved a bit more resilient than the planet imagined and are still here today. Greenland and Iceland have worn out their welcome.

So the earth is shifting weather patterns. What good will that do, you think?

Greenland will melt and become the verdant landscape of its namesake. Iceland will be put in a lovely freezing cold zone and become the barren, glacier covered area that it is supposed to be and all will be put in its place. The Earth will be happy and global warming will be over.

This whole process can be stopped, however! All you need to do is write the Rigsombudsman of Greenland and the President of Iceland and tell them to change their names. This whole crisis can be averted if only they switch adjectives...

Everyone needs to act now. Let them know what needs to be done.

HAPPY BIRDDAY KIRA!

You're the best.

Daily Observations

Fat people. I’m surrounded by them at work and I have to listen to them all day long. But before I start I want to make clear that I have nothing against them. Except maybe my face when I’m forced into a confined space with one. And with fat people every enclosed space has the potential to become a confined space. Ok so maybe I do have something against them, but that’s not what this is about. This is about fat people and food.

It’s no mystery fat people love food. In fact, it is probably responsible for their corpulence. I have shocking statistics that show the link between how fat someone is and how much food they eat. Unfortunately, I had it on a pie chart and I think one of them ate it so you’ll just have to trust me on it.

Anyway, they talk about it constantly. I hear about it all day long. “Oh man I just had the best sausages.” “I love fried everything!” and so on. Now, this isn’t all that bad for the most part. I’m a fan of food, but don’t people tire about talking about the same topic over and over? So I decided that they had to be talking about other stuff but I just tuned them out when they did. Much like I wouldn’t listen to a doctor talk about stocks or a hooker giving hygiene tips, I wouldn’t listen to a fat person talk about not food. That’s a prejudice on my own part, and something that’s probably not very healthy.

So I dropped the prejudice for a day and actually listened. I listened to every single word that escaped their crumb covered mouths and discovered that they are people to. They have their hopes and dreams, their victories and defeats. Unfortunately they all involve food. They hope to eat something delicious and dream of all you can eat. They are victorious in their consumption of a triple cheeseburger but couldn’t quite finish that giant steak. It turned out I was completely right about them and I can most likely correctly assume that all stereotypes are true.

I’m going to go take a siesta under a giant sombrero now. Adios!

Have you ever rummaged through an old pair of pants and found a horribly mangled twenty dollar bill stuffed into the deep recesses of the pockets, in a place that your fingers never dared venture before? Whenever that happens I wish for tiny little fedoras to be placed on my finger tips so they can feel even more like Indiana Jones discovering some ancient treasure. But then I realize that means my pockets would needs traps and snakes to complete the scene, and the last time I had a mousetrap in my pockets it wasn't a mouse that got caught in it.

It is quite exhilarating, though.

Until you realize that twenty is just going to go towards another pair of pants that, in a few years, will be nothing but lint filled pockets that don't have twenty dollar bills hiding out in them. Then what? Then you have to go find the money in a place where you know it'll be. That's nowhere near as fun. What's even worse is if you find lint where you expect money to be.

It starts with mouth denial.
"I know it's here somewhere"

Then finger denial.
They scrape about frantically.

Next is eye denial.
Looking everywhere possible, even checking your wallet at least five times.

Finally, acceptance.

Luckily I haven't had to accept the fact that no one ever reads this quite yet. One person has read it all along, perhaps hoping one day to find to find a twenty of her own. Although what her hands are doing rummaging through my pants, I will never know. All I can do is offer her a new pair and hope she enjoys it as much as the last.

I'll try to keep a few bucks in them for you.

Here's a post just for you:

-New comic is in the making. Hopefully it will be done by tomorrow! I also have to make the changes you suggested on the current comic, maybe I'll do that before I finish the new one. But since the changes aren't too pressing (it's still funny the way it is) maybe i'll just put it off for another week or two :X

-Chapter one of The Grand Adventures of Euronymous McGee is nearing completion! It's a pretty short chapter from the looks of it, mostly a character introduction of Euronymous, his parents, his childhood (why he is the way he is) and his friend called "Him".

-I am currently making late night kitchen bean and cheese burritos. Maybe I'll end up making tacos instead. I just got the ingredients out.

-My sister CAN'T say "no" to her friends. She came home about 30 minutes ago saying "I AM SO TIRED. I will NOT go out tonight. I have to get up early and I am exhausted. Nothing can get me to go out." Then about ten minutes later a friend of her calls and... well, she's going out at around 11 (1.5 hours from now). The conversation she had with her friend was pretty funny. It consisted of a bunch of HINTING that she didn't want to go out but never an actual "No". GROW A BACKBONE!

-I have to do a bunch of sketching in my sketch book. About 40 contour drawings and 5 proportion drawings. The proportion ones are a little more detailed. Contours should take no longer than 2 minutes (1 minute preferred) while proportion drawings she wants us to spend at least 20 minutes on. I should start soon instead of waiting til tuesday to do it. Due Wednesday. I need a naked model to help me! Are you up to the challenge?

-I have another essay to write for my philosophy class. I WILL keep a copy of it this time to show you if I get a 5 and if I'm happy with it. A 5 should be pretty easy, but me being happy with it will be hard :X

-Another class related point: first test result back on monday. Think I got an A?

-I have discovered a goal I want to accomplish! I want one of my stories or comics to be published in SOMETHING that has a decent sized reader base. So once I get something I'm completely happy with I guess I gotta start submitting! I've already looked around and the submission process is pretty simple.

-I am hungry now, time to go make food. I hope you enjoyed this. Even though you knew half of this stuff already! And you're probably the only one who will read this.

Daniel out.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I just broke a glass. First one I've broken in ages :( If I had a million dollars... I'd buy unbreakable glass.

Story Time

I see a scary trend happening within the world of movies. Something that, if not reversed, will be the end of the film industry itself. Ok, I exaggerated there, as stupid people (of which there are many) will always pay to see stupid films (Little Man and Snakes on a Plane are prime examples). You're probably wondering what the "trend" that I see is. I'm not going to tell you. Nope, it's my secret.

Ok, fine. here it is: NEW MOVIES SUCK.

That's it. The majority of movies being released this year lack innovation and originality. I think we've finally reached the saturation point. The point in time when so many stories are being told that they have caught up to the supposedly limitless human imagination. It is said that there are only a few basic story archetypes and every story ever written derives from at least one of those archetypes. Two examples of these archetypes are "The Journey" which is best epitomized by "The Odyssey" and... well that's about it. Every story is a journey of some sort. WAY TO ALLOW ROOM FOR CREATIVITY, ORIGINAL STORY WRITING PEOPLE.

Well, that's the problem right there! We have been limiting ourselves from the beginning by even setting up base stories which all other stories spawn from! There has been a constraint placed upon storytelling from its very genesis. We must throw off the shackles of these archetypes and create brand new, exciting, amazing stories!

I suggest a story which doesn't fit into any archetype!

A journey? Forget that! My story is about a guy that just sits around and doesn't even go anywhere!

Conflict? Pfft, who needs conflict when you can just sleep all day? NEXT!

Protagonists and antagonists? I want to create a completely unsympathetic character for which the reader/watcher will feel NOTHING for.

Resolution? Without a conflict there is no problem that needs to be solved so no resolution is necessary. Which ties in with the non-journey and sleep!

With this in mind, I present to you my new story, which I call an "anti-story". The "anti-story" generally has a narrator who is completely apathetic to anything and everything he or she sees (think God but without all that new age "love for all" crap). Without further ado, here is my story:

A Non-story of a Person who may or may not be good or evil.

This is the story of a man named Frank. However, it's not so much a story as it is a thing I'm just telling you and Frank may or may not really be named Frank, but since I don't know Frank and I don't really care to know Frank, he shall be called Frank for the sake of simplicity. I don't know if he's a good person or a bad person, but he exists and that is good enough for me. Or is it bad enough for me? I just don't know sometimes.

Back to Frank. Frank is sitting on his couch. It might be a loveseat but I don't really feel like counting the cushions or measuring the length to make the distinction between couch and loveseat. It's just a ridiculous distinction to make anyway, both of them have cushions and a place to put your ass. Which is just what Frank is doing. Putting his ass on the cushion holding wooden frame that is either a loveseat or a couch.

One would expect Frank to have a job, as that is the norm for an average 25 year old American male. I assume he is 25 because he has a shirt that says "I was born in 1981" and since we are in the latter half of 2006, it is safe to assume that he has had his birthday. But I guess Frank doesn't have a job. He seems like a rather apathetic fellow, but that is to be neither praised nor looked down upon, for we know not the reason for his apathy.

Frank has a bag of chips. The chips are in the typical shape of chips, except they get bite marks in them when Frank takes a bite. He doesn't eat the whole chip at once, he's a nibbler, perhaps the chip eating is more enjoyable to him this way. I would not know, as I don't eat chips. After Frank eats his chips he falls asleep on his couch for about four hours.

End of chapter 1. Riveting story, isn't it? If you read that all, I must commend you as I almost fell asleep writing it. However, in the midst of writing that amazing story I realized something: It's been done before. DAMN YOU HEMINGWAY!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, movies. They suck. I haven't felt like going to the movie theaters in a long time, though people do drag me along from time to time.

Am I just jaded or are movies really getting worse?

http://eserver.org/fiction/occurrence-at-owl-creek.html

read it, really. I know you all probably don't read every link i post, but this one is worth it. it is an amazing story. read it in its entirety or you won't love it.

it's what i did my final paper on :)

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19043507-38198,00.html

just the fact that he mentioned WWIII scares me.