Oh man. Total hilarity in physics class today. Dr. Burke was on a roll. Here are some snippets:
Burke on Meetings: "I'm not having office hours from 2-3 today. I have a meeting to go to. Afterwards I'll probably smoke a cigarette and take a shot of brandy... err Coca-Cola."
Burke on why things are the way they are: "Many people have burned up their whole lives or even committed suicide trying to look up mother nature's skirt or father nature's trousers or whatever... You know if you mention one sex you gotta mention the other one or you'll immediately be labeled as a sexist. It's your generations fault!!! My generation was busy doing other stuff... like having sex."
Burke on the importance of math (Kira, you'll like this one): "Do any of you have the book of Tables, Products and Series? It's a useful book that has nearly every solution to every integral. You really should have one in your car in case you need to do some quick integration while trying to figure out how much your Big Mac will cost you."
Burke on Altoids: Kid is passing altoids to a friend "What are you doing? Oh, altoids. Wintergreen flavor? Give it to me. I'm confiscating it for the rest of the class. " *takes tin, eats five altoids* "I'm not supposed to eat sugar but these things are just so delicious." *thirty minutes later*
Kid: "Can I have my altoids back?"
Burke: "WHOA Charlie Brown I thought these were Alisons! *throws them across the room* "Did you know the Altoids people approached me? Do you know why?"
Kid: "Because you have bad breath."
Burke: "Well, that, and because of these." *points to deltoids* "Deltoids, altoids, i'm sure you can make the connection"
Burke on Toroids: "So first we draw a toroid."
Kid: "What's a toroid?"
Burke: "It's a doughnut. Anyway, now we wrap a wire around the periphery of the toroid."
Kid: "What's periphery?"
Burke: "The glaze on the doughnut. Not all doughnuts are toroids though. Watch out for those damn bear-claws. Not that I eat doughnuts. That kind of crap doesn't get into the temple" *strikes classic Discus Thrower pose*
Burke on Wheatgrass: "So I go into this health food juice place and order some wheatgrass. The lady gives me a single shot and I'm like 'No no no, I want at least five of those.' The lady says 'No one drinks that much wheat grass.' So I say 'Well I'm god damned John Wayne and I drink five of those. I'll pay you double what it costs if you want me to.' So she gives me the five shots of wheatgrass, I pound them down and then pound down a few glasses of water to get the taste out of my mouth. That was Thursday morning. Friday... Friday, Saturday and Sunday... OH MAN! Let's just say I lost a lot of weight."
Class: "Can we get back to physics now..."
Burke: "Don't worry. It was mostly water weight."
Burke on Meetings: "I'm not having office hours from 2-3 today. I have a meeting to go to. Afterwards I'll probably smoke a cigarette and take a shot of brandy... err Coca-Cola."
Burke on why things are the way they are: "Many people have burned up their whole lives or even committed suicide trying to look up mother nature's skirt or father nature's trousers or whatever... You know if you mention one sex you gotta mention the other one or you'll immediately be labeled as a sexist. It's your generations fault!!! My generation was busy doing other stuff... like having sex."
Burke on the importance of math (Kira, you'll like this one): "Do any of you have the book of Tables, Products and Series? It's a useful book that has nearly every solution to every integral. You really should have one in your car in case you need to do some quick integration while trying to figure out how much your Big Mac will cost you."
Burke on Altoids: Kid is passing altoids to a friend "What are you doing? Oh, altoids. Wintergreen flavor? Give it to me. I'm confiscating it for the rest of the class. " *takes tin, eats five altoids* "I'm not supposed to eat sugar but these things are just so delicious." *thirty minutes later*
Kid: "Can I have my altoids back?"
Burke: "WHOA Charlie Brown I thought these were Alisons! *throws them across the room* "Did you know the Altoids people approached me? Do you know why?"
Kid: "Because you have bad breath."
Burke: "Well, that, and because of these." *points to deltoids* "Deltoids, altoids, i'm sure you can make the connection"
Burke on Toroids: "So first we draw a toroid."
Kid: "What's a toroid?"
Burke: "It's a doughnut. Anyway, now we wrap a wire around the periphery of the toroid."
Kid: "What's periphery?"
Burke: "The glaze on the doughnut. Not all doughnuts are toroids though. Watch out for those damn bear-claws. Not that I eat doughnuts. That kind of crap doesn't get into the temple" *strikes classic Discus Thrower pose*
Burke on Wheatgrass: "So I go into this health food juice place and order some wheatgrass. The lady gives me a single shot and I'm like 'No no no, I want at least five of those.' The lady says 'No one drinks that much wheat grass.' So I say 'Well I'm god damned John Wayne and I drink five of those. I'll pay you double what it costs if you want me to.' So she gives me the five shots of wheatgrass, I pound them down and then pound down a few glasses of water to get the taste out of my mouth. That was Thursday morning. Friday... Friday, Saturday and Sunday... OH MAN! Let's just say I lost a lot of weight."
Class: "Can we get back to physics now..."
Burke: "Don't worry. It was mostly water weight."
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