Time for a POST DEDICATION! This post is dedicated to Ashley Bagnall (soon to be Ashley Davis) who turns 19 today!
So, for your birthday, I'm writing you a poem. I call it...
Ashley is Nineteen Today

Today is the day you get the training wheels off of your bike
Today is the day you go on a ten mile hike
Today is the day you are no longer a girl

But instead you are becoming a well polished pearl
You will get your first pubic hair
oops... better get the Nair
Today is the day of your first kiss
Oh it will be pure utter bliss
Today is the day you realize Santa isn't real
But Christmas won't lose it's appeal
Today is the day you are no longer small
You will bust out of your clothes and become quite tall

Nineteen is the age of puberty
And you are given new Liberty

Liberty to rob a hobo for coins
Liberty to rub a dildo betwixt your loins
Liberty to laugh at a cripple
Liberty to scratch your itchy left nipple
Liberty to live and laugh and love

Today you are nineteen
for a day you can sit around and just preen
I remember when I was nineteen... I left my boyscouts Den
With a older man named Ben
He touched me but I said I only like females
but not the mutated ones with tails
he said he liked women of the female persuasion
"Why not look to my friend Ashley for a hot liason?"

"She is nineteen today,
the perfect age for a sexy foray."

Anyway, I better end it there beucase I was clearly running out of ideas.

Sillyness aside, I hope this is one of the best years of your life. You are marrying the man you love and you seem to be genuinely happy. I'm not too good at the lovey dovey stuff so I'll just say I wish you the best of birthdays and I'll be seeing you at your wedding.

PS: I want the beef, not the chicken. You get me the chicken and you die.

CHEERS!