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The Clash:

Rudie Can't Fail

Sing, Michael, sing-on the route of the 19 Bus
Hear them sayin'
How you get a rude and a reckless?
Don't you be so crude and a feckless
You been drinking brew for breakfast
Rudie can't fail

So we reply
I know that my life make you nervous
But I tell you that I can't live in service
Like the doctor who was born for a purpose
Rudie can't fail

I WENT TO THE MARKET TO REALISE MY SOUL
'CAUSE WHAT I NEED I JUST DON'T HAVE
FIRST THEY CURSE, THEN THEY PRESS ME TILL I HURT
WE SAY RUDIE CAN'T FAIL

We hear them sayin'
Now first you must cure your temper
Then you find a job in the paper
You need someone for a saviour
Oh, Rudie can't fail

We reply
Now we get a rude and a reckless
We been seen lookin' cool an' a speckless
We been drinking brew for breakfast
So Rudie can't fail

Okay!
So where you wanna go today?
Hey boss man!
You're looking pretty smart
In your chicken skin suit

You think you're pretty hot
In your pork pie hat
But...Rudie can't fail
Look out, look out...
Sky juice!...10 cents a bottle!

This song is for Rudy who will be going out to Iraq or North Korea in a week or so because of this stupid fucking war that Bush is waging on "terror" that stupid fuckwit... He may say that "America" is going to war, but really it is just him, no one supports him, no one wants him to be president (unless you are a fucking psychopath) and if you were/are in support for the war GO FIGHT IT YOURSELF and let all the innocent people stay at home. Anyway... when Rudy told me that he was going, this song started playing... and while I don't really completely know what it means, one message is clear, Rudie can't fail. I know I haven't known you that long Rudy, but you are one of the coolest, nicest guys I know. You'll be okay though, just stay strong and keep your cool, hopefully this whole shit for a war will be over soon and you will be home. I suck at the sentimental/emotional statements so I'll just say: Be safe and remember...

Rudy can't fail

If you were grass, I'd be your cow,
and make every day like spring.

So poetic it makes me want to cry.

My favorite thing about Megan is her joke telling abilities. Here is a sample of her one of her most hilarious jokes EVAR:

Megan: Daniel walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "What, are you stupid?" he replies "No, I'm a Daniel"

BWAhahwahaHAWha, teh funnay = present.

Edit: It has been brought to my attention that many of you don't find this joke funny. You just don't get it so don't even try to. If you do find it funny however, I will have to commend you on your sense of humor. even though it isn't funny...

Bright Eyes: It's Cool We Can Still Be Friends

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up

A special thanks to Megan who played this song on her RADIO (that you all should listen to by the way). Anyway, this song is just wonderful, it is full of pure emotion that demands that you stop whatever you are doing and listen...

I just had a thought while I was reading the history of Medieval Europe...
The great philosopher, rhetorician and eventual Pope Augustine at one point in his Confessions claims that sodomy is against nature and therefore against God (a sin) no matter what the circumstances of it's occurence.
Now, Sodomy, is defined in Genesis XIX 5 as: carnal copulation in a manner against nature; buggery.
Given this information I shall be so bold as to claim that God committed sodomy with Mary, now before you religious bible thumpers jump on my back, let me justify myself.
The word Carnal means "wordly or earthly, of the earth" so you might be thinking, this rules God out then right? Well, yes, but while God may be ruled out, The Virgin Mary isn't. God impregnated her, how? Well not naturally thats for sure, as she wouldn't be a virgin if she was naturally impregnated. Therefore, the Virgin Mary was unnaturally (ie. against nature) pregnated by God and therefore was sodomized by God, making God a sodomite, or one who commits sodomy. BAM! Done, you lose, no room for argument.

Rocking out to Toto, you squares just wouldn't understand.

I just heard some very sad news. My friend Ahree will not be attending USC next semester or ever again. In fact she is going to Cornell because of some stupid deal she had with her parents... whatever. It just sucks, she's the type of person that is always fun to be around and I really wish I had gotten to know her better. Sure I still have some time to, but really, what's the point? and we just scheduled our last dinner together...

I got a request from one of my readers to post a picture of me when I look "normal" (ie. not when I am wearing a goofy grin and a suit of armor) So you ask and I deliver, enjoy:

You are unique. Just like everyone else.

I'd like to thank Megan, a hot chick with sexy underwear and a great taste in music for these lyrics.

Postal Service: Such Great Heights

I
am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images and
when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

and I
have to speculate
that god himself did make
us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay

and true
it may seem like a stretch
but it's thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death

when you
are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

they will see us waving from such great heights
come down now
they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
come down now
but we'll stay

I
tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat it
sounded thin upon listening

and that
frankly will not fly
you'll hear the shrillest highs and lowest lows
with the windows down
when this is guiding you home

they will see us waving from such great heights
come down now
they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
come down now
but we'll stay

Megan: yeah well i DO rule...
Daniel: who exactly do you rule?
Daniel: the morons that burn themselves on their own soup people?
Megan: hahahah
Megan: but that would nearly include you
Daniel: ALMOST
Daniel: i burned myself on lasagna
Daniel: so it DOESNT include me
Daniel: DONT TRY TO LUMP ME IN YOUR CROwD!
Megan: but you burned yourself nonetheless
Megan: notwithstanding the fact that it was with food other than soup
Daniel: uh oh
Megan: heheheheheheh
Daniel: the contracts have gotten to you
Megan: heheheheheh
Megan: the lasagna shall not be considered a breach hereof
Daniel: herefortounder Megan the mouth burners laws we shall stop being so notwithstandingly square or else she will reciprocate our privledges (heretofore refered to as "The P") as of hereof
Megan: hahahhahahhhahahah

Here are some cubic jokes.

--A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

--A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

--A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer, please, and one for the road."

--Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"

--A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

--Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

--A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to
have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy!"

--I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

--What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

--Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive!"

Quote of the night:
Megan: "He is so sexy I have to pee"

Today's Funnay Word of the Day: Shit Sandwich

from the hilarious movie This is Spinal Tap.