What I Believe

I believe...

...Cheeseburgers should be made entirely of cheese.
...Grocery Stores should have go-carts instead of shopping carts
...Carbs aren't really evil, they just have very influential enemies.
...Russia is really a father.
...Yakov Smirnov wasn't funny at all.
...Carrot Top's hair really isn't made out of carrots.
...Anyone who purposefully gives themself misnomer should be forced to perform prop comedy.
...Bob Dole should operate his own orange juice stand.
...Religion isn't the opiate of the masses. A really big cloud of opium smoke is.
...Clowns are only scary when they have their makeup on.
...WWW should be changed to MMM so i can mumble a lot more:
"What was that site again?"
"mmmgooihateyoulecom."
...Jesus didn't turn water into wine, he just threw some oddly flavored dirt into it.
...Modern day Feng Shui is a glorified OCD.
Speaking of OCD's...
...Cracks in the sidewalk should all be filled with a glowing substance giving the illusion that they are pathways to hell.
...The word and the sport "baseball" should be taken in the archaic sense.
...Blogs should be called pogs because that would make pogs popular again.
...I shouldn't be allowed to be online at this time.

What do you believe?