Oooookay, first I'll get the quick stuff out of the way.
Cory's review of The Punisher
My new desktop. yes, i know it's lame. That's kind of the point
Check out the new strongbad.
I saw Kill Bill 2, enjoyed it immensely.
I have to read about "unofficial culture in china" tonight... whatever that means.
AND my dad went in for surgery today. I told him to call me tomorrow and since I haven't received a call today saying something went wrong, I am to assume that everything went perfectly.
Thursday: "make your will day." WILL MADE! No way I'm posting it here though. You bastards will have to come to my funeral to find out what I have bequeathed upon ye.
Friday: "humility day." today I'm supposed to feel some sort of humility so the book lists a ton of facts showing how little chance I had of being born and blah blah, let's just say my overall chance of existing was about... 1.557 x 10^-65 , which, taken conversly is a one in 6.4 x 10^64 chance. I feel SOME humility.
Saturday: "avoid all sources of electromagnetic energy day." HAHAHA that means i wouldnt be able to use my computer monitor (considering it is a crt and all) so Sun helped me out and we swapped monitors for the day. He has an LCD monitor, those dont give off electromagnetic energy, right?
Sunday: "How to recognize an alien day." The book tells me various things to look out for to spot an alien. Dead eyes, closed mouth (they are telepathic, remember?), ears oozing green goo, flaring nostrils... I saw many aliens today. I saw a dead squirrel that had dead eyes, this one girl had a dead mouth after I told her to "shut up or I will destroy your face." Some dude on my floor who almost NEVER takes showers had some sort of greenish/brownish goo in his ears and the girl from before also had flaring nostrils. I guess she was a double alien. The book said that if I find an alien I should not think about it, but instead think about fuzzy bunnies and summer mornings so when the alien tries to probe my mind I will appear innocent. Then, once it is fooled I should cut off it's head with a big axe and burn the body. I don't have a big axe and I don't know how to make fire, so instead of killing the aliens I just mocked their customs.
Monday: "stockpile as much sugar as possible in one day.... day." This day surprised me. I figured it'd be easy but guess what! OUR CAMPUS HAS PRACTICALLY NO SUGAR ANYWHERE! What the crap is that? I looked for sugar at Trojan Grounds and the only place it was at was in the already made cakes. I looked for sugar at Commons, nowhere to be found! So i'll have to postpone this day for when I go to a real restaurant with a ton of sugar. I'll have so much sugar I'll be able to live off of that sweet sweet white gold forever!
Today: "In da house day." today, I was supposed to rap. But there was no one around who would enjoy this. So, what I'm going to do is SAVE this day for the first day that I hang out with Ashley. Hopefully by then she'll be near this day and we can have a rap battle. Are you ready, Lady J?
Tomorrow: "No swearing day." Should be easy as fuck. Bitch. And to get all the swearing out of my system before tomorrow, I shall now sing Dj Assault's Ass n' Titties.
Ass, titties, ass 'n titties
Ass ass titties titties, ass 'n titties
(2x)
Big booty bitches thats where it gets
Come on, hoe, let's go to the easy rest
When I see ass, titties, ass 'n titties
Ass, ass, titties, titties, ass 'n titties.
(4x)
Ass, ass, ass, ass
(2x)
If you a light-skinned bitch that think you the shit,
I can buy you, hoe, 'cause bitch I'm rich.
I see broke-ass hoes, broke-ass hoes,
Broke-ass hoes, broke-ass hoes.
(4x)
Hoes, hoes, hoes, hoes
(2x)
If you a freaky-dancin' ho, keep shakin' that shit
Let's see how you shake it on top of my dick
And you'll say "Assault, I'm cuming. Assault, I'm cuming.
"Assault, I'm cuming. Assault, I'm cuming."
(4x)
Cumin', Cumin', Cumin', Cumin'
(2x)
Stankin ass bitches that need to wash up
Dont get mad when i dont want to fuck
You need soap and water, soap and water
Soap and water, Soap and Water
(4x)
Water, Water, Water, Water
So eloquent it makes me want to cry. Oh, and I don't really expect you to read the whole thing. POST OVER.
Cory's review of The Punisher
My new desktop. yes, i know it's lame. That's kind of the point
Check out the new strongbad.
I saw Kill Bill 2, enjoyed it immensely.
I have to read about "unofficial culture in china" tonight... whatever that means.
AND my dad went in for surgery today. I told him to call me tomorrow and since I haven't received a call today saying something went wrong, I am to assume that everything went perfectly.
Thursday: "make your will day." WILL MADE! No way I'm posting it here though. You bastards will have to come to my funeral to find out what I have bequeathed upon ye.
Friday: "humility day." today I'm supposed to feel some sort of humility so the book lists a ton of facts showing how little chance I had of being born and blah blah, let's just say my overall chance of existing was about... 1.557 x 10^-65 , which, taken conversly is a one in 6.4 x 10^64 chance. I feel SOME humility.
Saturday: "avoid all sources of electromagnetic energy day." HAHAHA that means i wouldnt be able to use my computer monitor (considering it is a crt and all) so Sun helped me out and we swapped monitors for the day. He has an LCD monitor, those dont give off electromagnetic energy, right?
Sunday: "How to recognize an alien day." The book tells me various things to look out for to spot an alien. Dead eyes, closed mouth (they are telepathic, remember?), ears oozing green goo, flaring nostrils... I saw many aliens today. I saw a dead squirrel that had dead eyes, this one girl had a dead mouth after I told her to "shut up or I will destroy your face." Some dude on my floor who almost NEVER takes showers had some sort of greenish/brownish goo in his ears and the girl from before also had flaring nostrils. I guess she was a double alien. The book said that if I find an alien I should not think about it, but instead think about fuzzy bunnies and summer mornings so when the alien tries to probe my mind I will appear innocent. Then, once it is fooled I should cut off it's head with a big axe and burn the body. I don't have a big axe and I don't know how to make fire, so instead of killing the aliens I just mocked their customs.
Monday: "stockpile as much sugar as possible in one day.... day." This day surprised me. I figured it'd be easy but guess what! OUR CAMPUS HAS PRACTICALLY NO SUGAR ANYWHERE! What the crap is that? I looked for sugar at Trojan Grounds and the only place it was at was in the already made cakes. I looked for sugar at Commons, nowhere to be found! So i'll have to postpone this day for when I go to a real restaurant with a ton of sugar. I'll have so much sugar I'll be able to live off of that sweet sweet white gold forever!
Today: "In da house day." today, I was supposed to rap. But there was no one around who would enjoy this. So, what I'm going to do is SAVE this day for the first day that I hang out with Ashley. Hopefully by then she'll be near this day and we can have a rap battle. Are you ready, Lady J?
Tomorrow: "No swearing day." Should be easy as fuck. Bitch. And to get all the swearing out of my system before tomorrow, I shall now sing Dj Assault's Ass n' Titties.
Ass ass titties titties, ass 'n titties
(2x)
Big booty bitches thats where it gets
Come on, hoe, let's go to the easy rest
When I see ass, titties, ass 'n titties
Ass, ass, titties, titties, ass 'n titties.
(4x)
Ass, ass, ass, ass
(2x)
If you a light-skinned bitch that think you the shit,
I can buy you, hoe, 'cause bitch I'm rich.
I see broke-ass hoes, broke-ass hoes,
Broke-ass hoes, broke-ass hoes.
(4x)
Hoes, hoes, hoes, hoes
(2x)
If you a freaky-dancin' ho, keep shakin' that shit
Let's see how you shake it on top of my dick
And you'll say "Assault, I'm cuming. Assault, I'm cuming.
"Assault, I'm cuming. Assault, I'm cuming."
(4x)
Cumin', Cumin', Cumin', Cumin'
(2x)
Stankin ass bitches that need to wash up
Dont get mad when i dont want to fuck
You need soap and water, soap and water
Soap and water, Soap and Water
(4x)
Water, Water, Water, Water
So eloquent it makes me want to cry. Oh, and I don't really expect you to read the whole thing. POST OVER.
