'Twas the Night Before Christmas
New age version by Daniel

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stocking were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that George Bush soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of the global war on terror danced in their heads,
And Mama with her rifle, and I with my US fright,
had just settled our brains for a long winter's fight.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed (terrorists?) to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I shot at like a madman,
tore open the shutter and expected to see Saddam.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should render,
but a miniature oil can and eight tiny cabinet member.

With a little old driver, so dumb and a lush,
I knew in a moment it must be George Bush.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by nickname:

"Now Dicky! Now Condy!
Now, Cherty and Snowy!
On, Rumsy! On, Body!
On, Norty and Gu... Gootez? no no, Guiterrez...y!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the world!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Ignore the UN!"

As republicans that before indictment will fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, shut up and lie
so right in everyone's face they told not the truth,
with the oil can full of bombs, and George Bush so uncouth.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
down the chimney George Bush came spying on me, for reasons unfound.

He was dressed in texas wear, ten gallon hat and a boot on his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes (of the infidels) and soot
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
and then he proclaimed "I am here to liberate Iraq!"

His eyes--how dull and empty! His dimples, how confused!
His cheeks were like a pox, his nose so abused!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a twist,
and he gave me a look that said "America is pissed."
The stump of an insurgents arm he held in his hand,
saying it was this that would help free this land.
He had a weasly face and a little round belly,
all those vacations he took have turned him to jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right evil old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a click from his glock
soon gave me to know I best get off his jock.

He spoke not a word and didn't go straight to work,
and checked all the stockings for WMDs, what a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
he sniffed and snorted up sixteen coke rows.

He sprang to his feet, full of idiocy and some drugs,
He was so out of his mind I thought he'd start giving out hugs.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he tripped out of sight,

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."

Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah (i like that spelling the best) and whatever other holidays I may be forgetting.

And have a good new year since it's not likely I'll be posting before then.

-Dancrest out