My Deodorant Lies to Me
I wear deodorant. It's no secret. Everyone does! Right? Anyway, I'm not too picky when it comes to my deodorant and pretty much just pick whichever brand my eyes hit first. Unless it's a woman's brand. You know, the stuff that was made by a woman for a woman. My armpits are so intrinsically different than a woman's arm pits that their deodorant actually sets my pits on fire. So I've avoided those ever since the Lady Dove incident of 1997. The brand I'm currently using is Mitchum, which touts the slogan "So effective you could skip a day."
I call bullshit.
However, being the young naive lad that I am, I decided to believe Mitchum's claim and test it out. I woke up as usual, took a shower as usual, put on my Mitchum's brand deodorant as usual and then skipped down the stairs, out the door and all the way to school as... not so usual. If their statement holds true I'd be able to skip everywhere and anywhere all day and I wouldn't be any kind of smelly! Let's just say that I sat alone in the back corner of the classroom surrounded by a halo of people holding their noses and edging away from me the furthest they could manage without being intimate with the walls. I was so embarassed I skipped to the bathroom to freshen up via dabbing water under my arms. That didn't help. As a matter of fact, and I hope this is just an oversight by Mitchum and not a purposeful omission, but, when you mix Mitchum with water you get some sort of extra smelly concoction and it was EVERYWHERE. I didn't dare go back to class and embarass myself further.
So I skipped home and skipped up to my room. Skipped into bed and had a good cry. Then I skipped rope and skipped my next class and played with My Dog Skip. After that I was a skipper on a boat and sailed around the Orient. It was quite a day. A long, smelly, skip filled day. Mitchum had failed the test. Well, I suppose it didn't actually fail. If the slogan was "So effective you could skip a day and not smell at all" then it would be a total failure. But as it stands, it could mean "So effective you could skip a day (if you want to smell like shit after two hours of any kind of activity)." Such is the way of things.
I guess the moral of the story is that I'm a disgusting individual. Oh and don't always believe everything you read, especially things that deodorant companies tell you. As snooty wanna-be latin speakers everywhere say: Caveat emptor.
I call bullshit.
However, being the young naive lad that I am, I decided to believe Mitchum's claim and test it out. I woke up as usual, took a shower as usual, put on my Mitchum's brand deodorant as usual and then skipped down the stairs, out the door and all the way to school as... not so usual. If their statement holds true I'd be able to skip everywhere and anywhere all day and I wouldn't be any kind of smelly! Let's just say that I sat alone in the back corner of the classroom surrounded by a halo of people holding their noses and edging away from me the furthest they could manage without being intimate with the walls. I was so embarassed I skipped to the bathroom to freshen up via dabbing water under my arms. That didn't help. As a matter of fact, and I hope this is just an oversight by Mitchum and not a purposeful omission, but, when you mix Mitchum with water you get some sort of extra smelly concoction and it was EVERYWHERE. I didn't dare go back to class and embarass myself further.
So I skipped home and skipped up to my room. Skipped into bed and had a good cry. Then I skipped rope and skipped my next class and played with My Dog Skip. After that I was a skipper on a boat and sailed around the Orient. It was quite a day. A long, smelly, skip filled day. Mitchum had failed the test. Well, I suppose it didn't actually fail. If the slogan was "So effective you could skip a day and not smell at all" then it would be a total failure. But as it stands, it could mean "So effective you could skip a day (if you want to smell like shit after two hours of any kind of activity)." Such is the way of things.
I guess the moral of the story is that I'm a disgusting individual. Oh and don't always believe everything you read, especially things that deodorant companies tell you. As snooty wanna-be latin speakers everywhere say: Caveat emptor.
